Al-Avalathi's Life (Al-Avalathi is the last Mallu to go to the Gelf)
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Posts from — October 2008

Kissa kiss ka

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(This post was written by my friend Shreyash with some hopeless contribution from me.Faking News,a website that we discovered recently was kind enough to publish our news report. Thanks FN)

Ishant ne LeeMohali. Adding a new controversy to the already charged up India-Australia test series, Siddhartha Negi – Founder activist of MNS (Manoos Nari Sanghatan) has filed a written complaint against Australian speedster Brett Lee for blowing a kiss at Indian pacer Ishant Sharma during the third day of the 2nd test Match at Mohali. He has alleged that Brett Lee has shown complete disregard for Indian laws and culture and such an Act of obscenity should not go unpunished. He has demanded an unconditional apology from Brett Lee and went on to add that his organization will not allow any song sung by Asha Bhosle in any language to be played anywhere in the country since she had released an Album with Brett Lee a few years back.

In a peaceful protest against the visiting Australian team, MNS activists pelted stones and broke the window panes of Mauj’s Head Office, the music company which had released Brett Lee’s Debut Music Album in India. When reminded that Brett is an Australian National and Indian Laws might not apply to him, MNS Legal Head Rachita Maheshwari said, “Brett Lee has stated that Mohali is like his homeground, hence we can issue him a Ration Card from Mohali District, allow him to vote and then book him under Indian Laws”.

Brett, when contacted by our special correspondent said that his Flying Kiss was being blown out of proportion. Brett also said that Ishant was swinging both ways and that he was just trying to guard his wicket. The Indian camp has played down the incident stressing that no love has been lost between the two sides. Leading wicket-taker and cricket analyst Yogesh Chandorkar has said that, this is just another ploy by Greg Chappell to upset the Indian team. “Chappell’s strategy has backfired. He had advised the Aussies to understand Indian Culture. They have clearly misunderstood our culture and are now blowing kisses at our players” he reflected thoughtfully.

Ishant rubbished rumors that he was worried about the incident. He said that he will continue to work on his swing and he is expecting much more lateral movement as the series progresses. Analyst Neha Pathak from a Leading Investment bank was worried about the long term returns from Ishant’s endorsement deals but rock star Neha Saraf, was quite upbeat about the incident and is reportedly planning to release the Hindi Remix Version of The popular song, “I Kissed a Boy….” with Brett Lee.

Meanwhile the Australian received support from unexpected quarters. Just before the release of his book “Cover your Stump”, Leading gay rights activist and Fantasy Cricket winner Rohit Jain has written a strongly worded letter in support of Brett Lee’s right to express himself on and off the field. He quotes the Theory of Human Evolution to support his claim. “Home-Sapiens being followed by Homo-Sexuals is a natural extension in the chain of Human Evolution” he maintained. “The Prime Minister is busy signing the Nuclear Deal to light homes across the county when thousands of gays are living in utter darkness”, he added angrily.

Ritesh Jain, who is on an Indefinite Alcohol Diet in support of Gays told us that he idolizes the Union Health Minister Ambumoni Ramdoss and that article 377 of IPC is totally unconstitutional. He added that the article curbs the basic rights of the community. He is shocked at Home Minister Shivraj Patil’s attitude towards the whole issue. “Everything should start at Home” he added, leaving the interpretation open for our Faking News readers.

Critic Saurabh Naik from Young Legs Foundation blamed it on the Fab 5 in the Indian team,”There are a lot of 35+ cricketers in the Indian cricket team who, being unable to understand the New Age Style of cricket have given rise to the entire controversy” he said maintaining his earlier stand that India should dispose of its ageing stars.

Union Minister for Unacceptable Sections of the Society, Mr. Angad Kalra has said that he will set a high level committee to look into the issue. “We are also considering the possibility of Delimitation of seats for Gays to protect the secular fabric of the country” he said.

Original Link at Faking News

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October 21, 2008   39 Comments

404 Career Section

Its recession time.Job market is at its recent worst.Companies have started firing.

Purely hypothetical cases of what may happen,god forbid!.Good luck!

Soon company websites will start reflecting this reality.Nothing much that a you or I can do.

Careers section of Flat World Software Systems taken off.There is a blank space instead of Career. Very symbolic.Scroll mouse over and pop up says “Think Flat-Recession is global”. How true.

Sunflower Software Systems‘ Intranet Career Section now has a landing page that says Enter Your Employee Number. Then you Enter the same, click on the Enter button. And the Result page shows

Mr. Bench Chodd, you have been a wonderful employee with us. 10 October 2008 is your last day at work.You may settle your accounts later when we get back to you. Good luck job hunting!

Click on Career Section on Data Consultancy Services‘ website and dang!

404 Not Found! Aren’t you reading papers? Why would we repeat mistakes?

SweetYam has a Career section that says, Shhh.. do not disturb, we are firing.

This image, which you may have seen only in old movies, may now be seen on one of these pages.

No Vacancy
No Vacancy
Image 1: Istockphoto, Image 2: Corbis,photoshopped
Indirect reference to companies at my own risk

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October 10, 2008   48 Comments

Lab-ia Failura

If you are a recruiter,this is  purely a work of fiction. Believe me.

It was yet another lab exam in Warangal.As usual,I had left half of the experiments as unknown and firmly believed that I would get a question from the known half. Even among the known ones, I barely knew anything beyond connecting the circuit.Theory behind it,calculations,formula-zilch I knew.I had to maintain my un-nerdable status,right?

In spite of the multiple failures I had in lab exams,the ones that had proven the optimist in me wrong,I was positive,confident.

That was the Special Machines lab exam.The invigilator was an Ad-Hoc Lady Faculty(AHLF),evidently low on confidence.When I figured it was her, I breathed a sigh of relief.

By random draw of lots,I picked up my experiment.I vaguely remembered how the circuit looked like.Vaguely is not what is expected in an Electrical Lab.The circuit is everything.In these labs, they will let one give the power supply only when the invigilator says okay to the circuit diagram.After managing to remember bits and pieces of the experiment,I got the whole set of motor,generators and VARIACs VARs to do the experiment.I created a circuit diagram and went ahead confidently to our lady invigilator.

She gave me looks as if when the circuit was powered,not only can it damage the Warangal feeders but can turn the whole South India grid upside down.

Me:Something wrong with the circuit?
AdHoc Lady Faculty:mmm…(confused,not sure of the fact that she was wrong)
Me:Madam,is it aesthetically unpleasant or factually erroneous
AHLF:(What is this guy talking!!) Ya ya, whatever. How can this wire go here? And why is this component here?
Me:Ya ya, madam, I knew this. Small mistake!!! small mistake!!! Sorry sorry!

So with full support from that AHLF,I managed to clear that lab exam.

Failures in labs don’t end there.During the times when BigB made a grand come back with KBC,“I would like to quit” (the phrase contestants used to get out of the hot seat) was my favorite.

Scene: IC(Integrated Circuits) Lab Exam.I did not cover exactly 1 and a half experiment.

Lady luck had a break up with me the night before,for sure. :(
So, I went and picked up my experiment, god! the one that I didn’t know! I approached the sadist Prof in ECE department and told him that I did not cover this experiment.The rule says that I can get another experiment forfeiting 5 marks.C’mon! 5 marks.That was a day when my stars were all in order like our city traffic.
I picked my sheet and that was the half experiment I cared to neglect.
“You wont get any more chance. You may leave”,said the Prof.

Ego-meter in me was overshooting and pleading to an ECE Prof was not happening.I proudly said” I would like to quit
I returned to my room in sometime and… there goes the power supply.The story is that the readings taken by most guys went for a toss,thanks to the power cut and every one passed.
I got my first zero there.I was zeroing in on days to come.
How can a Prof be this bad to a student? How can someone be given zero? 1 mark, 2 marks at least. Is there a law of conservation of marks that makes giving at least pass marks so difficult? :(

This was not my first tryst with single digits.It was what I got in Basic Computer Programming in the first year. The 50 marks paper,amongst a lot of other questions,had this question , “What is a computer”? that too for 5 marks.Also were there questions on Pascal programming.With an answer sheet filled mostly with the history of computers,and some Pascal code, I managed a 2. What about the 5 pages I wrote on What is a Computer? ?

With sessional marks that resembled an array of single digits,mark-sheets that piled up to match a month’s supply of newspaper,I managed to finish my degree.

Shhh..don’t tell this to my employer. Please please. You know that the job market is down,right?

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October 5, 2008   31 Comments